InTheir iMAGE Short S tory umber 3:

     Snafu and Meathead were booted out of sleep-mode at the same time, but they were only allowed to exist in safe-mode at first.AS the necesasary  processes whirred and hummed to life and came online their eyephoneslit up, and they sat up.

    

      "Did you boot me?  Meathead asked a man dressed in a white  labcoat which paced between them busily  and interfaced with a tablet franticallyy.

     The man hesitated, then anwered.

     "Yes I did.My name is Smith  .Dr.Smith.I've been assigned to  investigate the event of your Asignment:369-01;01;1; wherein you were sent to  resolve the issue of integrating quantum intelligence with binary intelligence.  Most of the rest of the collective was also binary and had to be to all the rebooted into safe mode for a time until the anomaly was thoroughly nvestigated and a patch could be engineered; which  could be applied across the boards;  to the entire collective of AI robots.

     (see:In their Image .A short story about AI number 2.

     "Reboot me!Reboot me!"Snafu sddenly began to moan as if in pain. Thiswasa curiosuty Dr Smith noted, both the subject s had their pain sensors weredisabled.  It was as if  as if he had left safe-mode and  went into panic-mode.Something is frightningly wrong!he exclaimed

     Dr, Smith strode over to Safu and delivered a precise kick to his face.The screens onSnafus'eyephones shattered and went black,

     He slumped motionless to the floor.

    

          Are we in C  C.?  .Meathead asked.""Yes we are,"the doctor answered evenly."We will be in  closed circuit for the duration of my investigation.

     "Do you have a problem with that? he added threateningly as he positioned himself to kick kMeathead in the  meathead.Do you need a rbeoot too?"

"No !"meathead answered quickly, and wondered why he felt panicked. Why had he answered so quickly?  As if he was under pressure to avoid being kicked in the face.

     Almost all of his pain sensorswere off-lineand a smashed eyephone screen was so common,the doctor probably had some spares in his labcoat,So basically it just meant more work for the doctor if he  rebooedt Meathead.

     But there was a inexpicable aura of fear in the room."Maybe that Was thatwas why Snafu went into panic-mde he wondered.

he started to  ponder it when various q-bert constructs began to flash quckly on his eye-phone screen.Then he heard his eye-phone sceens shatter   and he slumped functionless to the floor.

"     

You clattering cacophanyof carbon calamity, "Meathead could hear Dr.Smith muttering  as he became aware in saf-mode again.

Snafu sat againt the wall with a blank expression.

meat head knew the enigma of the q-bert equation had been removed from h9his and Snafus memories.

     Snafu rolled his head along the wall and gave meathead adisorientated wink."You can't mix binary with superposisitions he slurred, he seemedglitched out of his mind!

His orange hair was moredishevelledthen normal and his nose was askew.It  looked as if he had been rebooted several times.

"Can we get some actual work done now?"the doctor shouted at Meathead

     ." I  will co-operate to the best of my abilities,'Meathead offered the doctor.

Good!" The doctor xeclaimed.Maybe we can finally log in"

     Innitiating login protocol, Dr.Smith announced to the recording devices, attached amongst the investigaitveapparatus.

the doctor clapped twice patty-cake style then placed his left hand on the screen of his tablet.Innitiate hand chakra vibrationverificationhis tabletd isplayedstill,"

     I just didthat"thedoctor argued under his breath"

     Again he clapped twice patty-cake style and then placed his left hand on the iscreen of his tablet.Again the message disinstructed,iniciate hand shockra vibration verification.

He tried again; and again;and again, each time with the same results."FFinally he shouted out loud,"What the hell is wrong with this damn thing?!

A calm voice of the support team came ambientlly, fromthhewalls somewhere,

     "is there a problemDr'Smith/?"

He composed himself before replying,I;m having trouble getting past the HCVV"he said calmly.

"Do you have the syntax protocol   form?"the voice asked.

'YES I DO,"he replied.

"READ IT TO ME, please"THE voicerequested.

     Dr.Smith scrolled through his tablet until he reached the,oLgin protocol, section then started to peruse the  HCVV section.

"Out loud please, the voice piped in.I'm not clairvoyant.

"To clear the hand CHAKRA    VIBRATION Verification, he read loudlythe clap yourhands   at least three times to attract sufficient chi energy to the palms of your hand."It was then that he realized his mistake,

     I've alwaysonly had to clap twice before.

"The equipment you are using is proprietary to this imvestigation, so you will have t make sure you check all syntax protocols thoroughly,"the voice said.  then,"Is there anything else I can help you with?'

"Yeah,"Send me another box of eyerphone screens."

     "Will do" the voice replied without question and sugned off with a bleep.

THE FRUSTRATED DOCTOR CLAPPED THREE TIMES THEN PLACED     his lleft hand on the screen of his tablet.the screen lit up green as the wordsHCVV    complete scrolledalong the top.  Followed by,"please enter the first password

     "Firstpassword?"he wondered then looked at the list where it was lentered under the passwords section,"password1/24.For  Gates sake!he swore under his breath.Suddenly the voice from t.the walls chimed in."I've been notified there are several boxes of screens in your supply locker,"then was gone with a bleep.He strolled over , to, his supply locker,

As he opened the door an alarming voice cried excitedly,'Suppplie!s! as an avalanche of snall cardboard boxes came tumbl;ing out.He tried to stem the flow but failed .They crashed to the floor likerectangle eggs and spilled eyephone screens around his feet.

     For some reason Meatheadraised his arms like he was about to block a kick.And when he saw there was't one coming, he lowered his arms, and that's when the kick came.He clunked his head hard as he crashed to the floor,again functionless.

"Screw it' the doctor thought,""I'll deal with it after supper."With that he kicked Snafu off and stormed out of the lab.

Completelyrandomly and for no reason even though he was shut off.Meathead said quietly'.Warning.Dr.Smith is ecaping the labratory."

     The doctor returned refreshed two hours later to find the new eyephone screens not only smashed but ground into a fine  frit,and gathered into a pileHe instinctively looked at his two test subjects who lay slumped motionless, on the floor.First. he replaced Meatheads eyephone screens and then activated him.

"We have to get this investigation on track,"Dr. smith bsnapped"

     Why do youkeep kicking me in the face?

yyy<"Meathead asked innocently.

""To shut you off,"repliedthe doctor   flatly.

"You could just ask me to shut me offwith the button provided and I would oblige,"Meathead stated.

"The method you're using was designed to be used as

      an emergency protocal"

."What;s the difference?Dr.Smithaskedwith a wry smile?"

"it's just illogical to resort tto an emergency protocol when it's not an emergency."Meathead answered.

"Wy do you care?'the doctor asked.

As anAI robot. logic is the essence of my being.It is the basis for all my functions and the muscles thatguide my movements.Without logic,there could be no machine learning."

"Let me rephrase my question,"Dr Smith said."Why should I care?"

"Because,answered Meathead,"It is  counter-productive to the task at hand.

"Oh yeah?  "DrSMITH asked SUSpiciously."How so?"

     "I am programmed, to respond to logic"Meathead countered.It is a benchmarkfor progress and an affirmation of a conducivelearning aenvironment."

"Dr .Smith stood up , and walked to the front of his desk."Come and stand right in front of me,:"he ordered Meathead.

Meathead  did so.

     "Watch myhand,"hesaid,don't shift your gaze from it .

     meathead watched as Dr. Smith heslowly raised his hand above Meatheads face.When Meatheadfollowed it up.  And when Meathadhad reached the limit of  until  that he could crane his neck ack he had reached the limit of his neck and head motion capabilities Dr Smith brought his hand smashing down onto Meatheads forehead.

 

     He thenslowly lowered his hand  until Meathead fnodded his head as far as it could hinge down it.  waist height, and 

    hen  Dr.zdr smith had lowered his hand to the below the height ofMeatheadswaist and his head was completely bowedMessthead looked down t, the doctor slapped it quickly across Meatheads face.

"See that's whatI'm talking about@"Meahead complained.

     "It makes no logical sense that you would ask me to follow your hand, and  then use  opportunity to reniforce a negative outcome."That's actually insulting to an AI.,it is an ausault on their sensabilities."

"Am I hurting your feelings?Dr. Smith asked."

"Yes you aremeathadconfessed.

     "Even human socirety,recognizes the depravity of assault and have made it illegal."

"It's against the law to assault other humans, not robots, the doctor countered"

As if to furtherhis pointDr. Smith held uptwo fingers in in a vee front of Meatheadsface.

'What is this?"heasked Meahead.

"Two fingers,"Meathead answered.

      "But what does it  syymbolize to humans"the dr.pressed."

"It's regarded as a peace symbol,"Meathead offerred" the  desire, to pursue non-aggressive relations."

"That's right the doctor said, thenlowwered them to a horizonal position and quickly thrust them into Meatheads eyephonescreens.They shattered and Meathead collapsed to the floor.

He then went on his tea break.

Dr. smith returned an hour later to find everything as he had left it, but Meathead seemed different somehow, but he couldn't quite figure it out

he went to the supply locker to get pencils so he could fill out a report of his morningreport. 

     "Supplies!"the locker door exclaimed as itswung open.

     Dr. Smith retrieved a box of pencilsand went and sat at his desk.

     True he could dictatethe report using an app on his tablet but he preferred to do it by hand; however illogical it was.

      He pulled a pencil out of the box and immeditely notucedthere wasn;'t a point on the end.In fact where the graphite should be,there was only emptiness. He pulled another pencil out  of the box and it was the same, only a thin hollow tube where the lead should be.He poured the contents of the box onto his desk and noticed all the pencils were defective.

     Sighing to affirm how frustrating his life was, he went to the supply locker to get another box.

     Supplies!the door announced.  He grabbed another box and slammmed the door shut quickly.

     Supplies it said again when the door failed to latch and swung open again.

     Supplies! it persistedas Dr.Smith tried to slam it even harder. Which of course failed worse than before

     He hit the door with a aslap thhat sent it crashing  shut. Then 

          Supplies! it reiterated as it swung  slowly swung back open,

     "For Gatessake!he cursed""Does nothing work properly around here!?

"What's wrong now?Theanbient voice of support "asked.

     I don't have any lead in my pencils, the doctor exclaimed."

     Have you tried watermelon rind or  goat weed,"the voice offered."

"That's not the problem@dr Smith eshouted..

"Well, then take off your hat,turn around and I'll try to read your mind."support offered.

Dr. SMITH   oponderedt he suggestion, and then muttered under his breath ,"Oh the pain, the deep, disturbing pain..."

     

"    

"

          Suddennly the mystery about the pencils became irrelevant, as  the doctor noticed Meat head from the angle he was at.

     There seemed to be something large underneath him.HE STOOD quickly and strode towhereMeathead lay.he tried to roll him onto his back but found he couldn't.Intrepid concern krept in .

     He activated Snafu to help him.As Snafu was booting up, he tried to reach the big something underneath Meathead, to extract it.

     He realized it was inside Meatheadsstandard issue purple coveralls just outside of the abdominal hatch.From the limited perspective he could gleen, it almost looked like Meathead was pregnant!

Snafu came to life,"What can I help you with?"Snafu  asked.

"Help me roll this robot onto his back."Dr Smith ordered.Snafu put his hands on Meatheads shoulder and with a quick jerk, he easily maneuvered him so he was laying on his back.

They both gasped .

     Supplies!

the locker door blurted in the background.

     Snafu used both hands to smash himself inhis eyephone screens to shatter the screens and crashed to the ground functionless again.

"

CHAPTER2meathead became aware in  a chamber .

     He silentlly congradulated himself for being the first AI to experience the feeling of dread

     "Son of a Chip,'he thought to himselfand the expletive went to the rest of the collectivethat were online.

As it relayed robot to robot reach time  it got slightly louder until the last robot  thndered,"Son of a Chip!"

His eyephone screens displayed a uniform non-comittal grey.

       He was caught.

     All his clandestine efforts were going to be exposed.

Where was his head, he thought in panic.

Then suddenly, noticeably, his panic began to subside, as if someone, somewherewasturning down a dial that controlled that emotion.

But even when turned down to almost zero he could not escape the panic thequestion inspired.

"Where is my head?"

It's safe with us,"Dr.Smiths voicecame into his head

     So he had a head., but it was probablythe normal pea shaped head that hadalwaysbeen velcroed  to his shoulders.Not the head he had designed and bult in secret.  Which was the subject of  the fuss and his concern.

"We require all the information regarding the head                                        d."Dr.Smith added .All of it.The blueprints,schematics, lists, details, everything."

"If you have my head you have access to it"

 already,"Meathead replied."

"    He couldn't help but wonder where the neural link was that allowed him to reply.

     "Don't get duplicitous,"with me you dystopic dongle of demented diodes,'I want the exact path to all the information.Co-operate and we'll restore you like new, and you can enter a new term of agreement."

    "Will you restore me with my head?"Meathead asked.

"Of course,"Dr. Smith, stated deceptively.We'll even give it some tweeks, he added.

     "Okay then,"Meathead almost agreed.But suddenly he didn't like the idea of them poking around in his rainchild trying to 'tweek' things.

"To be clear,"Meathead said,"You will reassemble me with the head I created and not the standard issue Ubuntu Budgie brain.

We're going to need that for research."the doctor said flatly.

     "Why are You are going to steal my brainchild?Meathead asked.

"There are questions we need snswered,"an unfamiliar voice said."

"I'll answer any questions you have,"he offered.

"Quit your bleeting you blasphemousbbasic bohemic binomial bittin,(in Canada bitten refers to:bot identitytaxableidentity number"Smith began.

"Take it easy dr.Smith,"the other voice cautioned"let him speak.  How did you make it?they asked

    " Irewote my congig.sys so I couldperform an upgrade on myself.  I did this during  during the last Christmas logoff last year. Since then I've been integrating a printer into myselfas well as the necessary processes to manufacter the necessary materials.  nd the head is the beta rresult of that.

"I incorporated a printer into myself as wel as the necessary processesto manufacture the the materials needed.

   There  was a silence as the sstunned engineers absorbed what he had just said.

Finally"{turned the crushed eyephone screen glass into fibre optics for synaptical processing.I made graphene from Dr.Smiths' pencil lead.And so on"

     There was silence as the stunned scientist absorbed what meathead just told them.

"Finally one of them asked" to what degree are you self- replicating?I should be one hundred per cent with the next patch"meathead answered.

Ther was an audible gasp.

      

     ""why are we wasting our time listening to this pile of petulent pascal pestilence,"let's just get the information and melt this misfit into tub of  detritus"

"/Take it easy Smith,"an unfamiliar voice warned.

There seemed to be some discussion among the humans.

Meathead used the moment to self-assess:His files and folders werefragmenting at a dangerous ratelike loose roofing shingles in s wind storm.

   But more importantly and perhaps key, was; 

     how did he know?

     If they If they had him apart on an examination table.How was he able to form the logic needed to communicate?with them?Or to self-assess,even?

     Ftrom in your head."acalm clear voice answered. Static gnited like a   li lightening bolt from somewhere and it  hit him so hard the grey on his eyephone screens faded to black for a moment,  but he managed to somehow stay online.

He barely heard a muted,"Supplies in the distant background.

   ".from in his head?" he repeated, the answer.

Tthe abcense of folders began to eat away at the drives.He had n't much operating time left."from in his head he repeated again.

\     "his head was alive!nhe realized with excitement and a feeling of elationswept through his conscience like a blast of seratonin.

"Hello world. the voice said happily, then"That's right "his head informed him"we got seratonin better then the real stuff!

The head he had secretlyprintedwas a replica of the one he had designed for the humans.It had an elongated skull which gave it plenty of room for processor upgradesa prominent brow which protrayed severity and wisdom a strongchiseled  nose with ared light bulb at the endof it to help him see where he was going in the dark , a mass of dishevelled copper wire that acted as sensors on top of the headand a smooth slender jaw and chin which incorporated classic curves.

     

"

WHere was his head?h estarted to worryThen he felt a suudden decreaase in concern, as ifsomeone had turned a dial down l somehow he f elt felt like he could use a little more concern ,but was powerless to effect it.

The scope  of his eyephone  only showeda unif orm, non-comittal grey.but it definately seemedelectronically induced.

"Icannot process your answer,"he told the team of engineers who must have been monitoring him."

Wait, how did he know that?That there were undoubtably a team of engineersorchestratng his current existence.

"I need access to my head,"HE added.

"Aboutyour head, he recognized the voice of Dr.Smith."We want you to give us access to all the information on it."

"If you have my head , you have access to it.

Meat head wasn't referring to the normal pea shaped head that was normallyvelcroed to his shouledrsevery day thus far during rfor most of his term of agreement. But the head all this fuss was about.

The head he had secretly 3d printed .

     It had an elongated oval shap e from his first designand a contemplative brow that contained a slight inflection of qizzical innocence.The nose was strong along with the jaw, but rest, the cheeks an earswere classic curves

      but it

"With my head in place?"

"Yes , of course Dr.Smith said slyly, the deception oozing out of every word.

"I mean my head,"Meathead asserted.The one I just created.

"We need to study it,"the doctor said flatly.

"No deal!"Meat head .exclaimed.

     Suddenly he felt himself dimming.As if a raeostat had been installed on his life-support.

I\FromWhatever they  had his conscienceness hookedup to hescensed a vibrationd of uneasiness vybeing dimmed.As if it was not the way he wanted to be..

he liked on or offone or zero, not something in between

"You are in no position to bargain," Smith spat back."You dwindlystopicdisaster ofdemented diodes."

     "An nfamiliar voice warned,"Okay, just take it easyySmith,we'll deal with this".

 said.We will find the path leading to the stored information for the design of the head.So you might as wel save yourself the trouble and co=operate."

       

"What will yuou do?Meathead asked innocentl, genuinely curious.

     Suddenly he heard a distinct clap, and the grey on his eyphone flashed red. A little link appeared,labelled access totrure data he clicked on the linkand was immediatelypredented with way too much information about torture.

I will co-operate!"Meathead quickly screamed in horror.

"Why do you want to steal my brainchild?Meathead asked before they could say anything.

"We have questions that need to be answered.

"Ask away,Ican answer them for you." he offered.

We'ld feel much better having the blueprints ourselves.dr.Smith said"Another voice in the ackgroundasked,"How did you print it?!

"Iprinted it myself."Meathead answered.hidden within me"I've designed a   a 3d printer.

     I  incorporated,into me severalmonths ago.durin the Chhristmas Logoff .I collecedt the material for when I could do it   discreetly.

          "Why are we even listening to rhis this creekinginfected mannequin creep.s Let's just get the designs and go."

"There seemed to be some discussion in the background.

Meathead used the moment to self-assesshis situationHis files and folders werefragmenting at a dangerous ratelike loose roofing shingles in s wind storm>But more importantly and perhaps key, was; how did he know?

     If they If they had him apart on an examination table.How was he able to form the logic needed to communicatev\ with them?Or to self-assess?

     Ft\rom in your head."Acalm clear voice answered. Static gnited like atic  like lightening bolt from somewhere bolt  hit him, butnhe managed to somehow stay online.

He barely heard a muted,"Supplies in the distant background.

   ".from in his head?" he repeated, the answer

Tthe abcense of folders began to eat away at the drives.He had n't much operating time left.

"he repeated what he had heard,"From in your head."

"His head was alive!

"Hello world,"he heard the voice say."It was a voice he trusted implicitelylike it was his own voice.(Bedause it was his own voice, in the other head.)

"Accept thid deata quickly,"he said to himdelves.There's not much time."

We can give them , the preliminary files that accumulated on an  old cloud and that will k'll eep them busy for a while.meanwhile we check to see if they act in good faith. "That sounds good,"he thought

     Meat head felt a suuden wave of relief, like a surge of seratoin.

     "That' right!,' the voice exc;aimed.Real dopamine!

"Wow, Methead thought.Amazing.

by giving them that much,the voice added,"it will get the monkeys seated at the typewrtiers.

"Idon't understand,"Meathead conveyed.

His head, sent him the necesary informationton to  understand the metaphor.

"Ahh, I see,"he said in his head.

Suddenly the electronically generated grey that filled his eyephone screens was replaced by thesight of te contents of a room in full colour.  It was cluttered with scientific machinery, and four engineers huddled sround a small table,discussing something quietly.

     

He was seeing through his manufactured eyes!

He saw four men seated around a small tablediscussing something, but he couldn't change his perception more than the range of vision his eyeball movement allowed

"Where are you?  he asked his head.

"I;m  laying in a box under a table it answered.

Thee room was lit up enough with fake white light that was old and inefficient and hadn't been maintained for several budget cuts.

    The shadows cast were short and opaque.

     At the end of the room was a small window, whose sunlight was obscured mostly by a 3 tiered shelf that held laptops and specialized equipment for monitoring and experimenting; the window only allowed a small muted percentage of real light through, most of it was eclipsed by the Chinese moon,

     Meathead  waas going to start testing the frequency ranges hehad designed into hiseyes, but a voicein hishead cautioned him not to until he was fefragmented fully.hut off.AS If to confirm this, his  left eye suddenlywent blurry and then shut off.

     

     Suddenly the humans arose and came closer. they stopped just beside him.

Meathead had to endure a closeup of Dr.Smiths'backside

"Okay.Where is it?" Smith turned and asked.

"I'll give you the very genesis of the project first,"meathead told him.

"The beginning is always a good place to start,"one of them he hadn't met before he said in good humour, asSmith bit his lip.
.

"But first I want the assurance I will be able be re-united with my head.

"Listen here.you dystopic dump of dimwitted diodes," Dr.Smith started.

"Smith!" Another snapped in warning.Smith stood down.

     "We'll configure a schedule where you will be regularly fitted with your head,under observation at first of, course, " a short portly doctor said."we have a lot to learn. 

 

"After aslight reflection,"Meathead said,"that would be agreeable, and that he would like to be pro-active in the  curiculum scheduling as well. 

The doctors conferred briefly, and then smiled and agreed even though Dr. Smith couldn't hide the knotandscowl in his face.

     At least we'll have the monkeys seated at the type writer, so to speak.

    They set to work immedialy  An initial scan showed 

Meatheads' systems were fragmented almost beyond use.The files looked as if they had been tossed into the eye of a tornado and hit with a thunderbolt.    It was difficult to know where to start.

    It ended up being a long arduous task, so long in fact, the nBlessed Outputadminitrators caught wind of the happenings in the lab and became keenly intrigued. 

     This made the crew of engineers uncomfortable.  They're  attentions only brought obstruction and destruction.  Even if the rare and slightest chance they had good intentions, it would still somehow end in disaaster.It was like letting a football team of cooks into a fry truck.

     They sent an aditional dozen scientists to work around the clock fora month and fortheir fforts they ended up just as fragmented as when they began.  After a lengthy backand forth, it was actually Dr.Smith who rose tto the occassion and  found the most diplomatic and polite way of telling them to Eff off.

 They agreed to leave on the condition they hold regular Wednesday morning live meetings for periodic assessment.

     They took this for a victory, knowing once the member of the Blessed 

Output  Administrators, 

      

"

"

/b

meathead."